They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
