OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
