The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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