you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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