make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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