dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what day is it and did you see me today?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
