I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
