just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
