I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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