I am spending my child support on dildos
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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