Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
