omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
