Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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