nut hugger
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
