i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
