i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
