Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
