he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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