Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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