I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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