Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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