chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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