At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
