i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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