i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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