I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
