i would punch a child for taco bell
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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