do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
