I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
