I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
