Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
