I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize