super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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