It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Your cock deserves a montage
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
