Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
