So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
