forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
