All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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