Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
