i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
