i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
