I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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