You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize