Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games

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  (415): I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games http://tfl.nu/i5dy
  Replies (8) Good night (650) Bad night (1202)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....

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  (225): Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss.... http://tfl.nu/pts0
  Replies (16) Good night (4686) Bad night (1054)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

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  (617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o
  Replies (10) Good night (1185) Bad night (3158)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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  (610): At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there. http://tfl.nu/2tn8
  Replies (1) Good night (1735) Bad night (842)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.

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  (936): If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way. http://tfl.nu/i55j
  Replies (3) Good night (3473) Bad night (769)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.

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  (503): I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else. http://tfl.nu/cpkz
  Replies (11) Good night (3643) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

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  (336): Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned http://tfl.nu/hhst
  Replies (4) Good night (1393) Bad night (2047)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.

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  (330): OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM. http://tfl.nu/cuq6
  Replies (15) Good night (2765) Bad night (575)
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  (949): View more from California

  he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.

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  (949): he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless. http://tfl.nu/m9y7
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (864)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed

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  (312): There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed http://tfl.nu/ohal
  Replies (0) Good night (533) Bad night (813)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity

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  (414): Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity http://tfl.nu/984f
  Replies (4) Good night (521) Bad night (414)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is

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  (+44): I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/babg
  Replies (1) Good night (744) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.

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  (202): So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end. http://tfl.nu/ej89
  Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant

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  (563): Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/dywh
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.

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  (503): I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman. http://tfl.nu/jygg
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (214)

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