I hate all girls vehemently.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
