Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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