So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
did i just pee glitter
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