GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
