after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.