How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?