Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.

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(813): The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp. http://tfl.nu/6snw

Replies (22) Good night (3079) Bad night (1084)
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(253): View more from Washington

oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

(1-253): View more from Washington

I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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(253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca

Replies (71) Good night (5632) Bad night (596)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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(208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re

Replies (37) Good night (978) Bad night (8699)
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(551): View more from New Jersey

She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does

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(551): She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does http://tfl.nu/519t

Replies (26) Good night (10357) Bad night (628)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.

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(303): Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups. http://tfl.nu/tsnb

Replies (12) Good night (5354) Bad night (646)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

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(860): when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ckot

Replies (212) Good night (811) Bad night (10549)
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(567): View more from Ohio

i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255

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(567): i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255 http://tfl.nu/6ybk

Replies (11) Good night (3521) Bad night (1274)
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(779): View more from Illinois

Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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(779): Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us http://tfl.nu/jk9n

Replies (2) Good night (2201) Bad night (756)
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(214): View more from Texas

He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.

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(214): He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am. http://tfl.nu/wn9t

Replies (4) Good night (2155) Bad night (754)
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(301): View more from Maryland

did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15

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(301): did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15 http://tfl.nu/scbj

Replies (7) Good night (2594) Bad night (923)
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(310): View more from California

I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear

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(310): I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear http://tfl.nu/97on

Replies (6) Good night (2038) Bad night (1343)
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(613): View more from Ontario

We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."

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(613): We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet." http://tfl.nu/xflq

Replies (3) Good night (1580) Bad night (793)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

May the one with the liver that just won't quit win

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(843): May the one with the liver that just won't quit win http://tfl.nu/5sn2

Replies (3) Good night (937) Bad night (513)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.

(503): View more from Oregon

Score one for dad.

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(541): Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job. (503): Score one for dad. http://tfl.nu/kgah

Replies (6) Good night (2064) Bad night (463)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.

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(586): Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at. http://tfl.nu/sdak

Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (707)

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