I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
