she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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