my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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