I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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