I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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