I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
