In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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