You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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