he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
