You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
