Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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