I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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