you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
