if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
