Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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