Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
