go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
